Superior Negotiation Skills

I took a few college courses one summer at the gorgeous gorges - Ithaca New York. The topic of the last class in psych 101 was on what we learned and its application in the real world: He taught us how to buy a car (or sell one). It was everything we learned that summer, applied in the real world, by car salesmen. How people interact, manipulation/persuasion, social pressures, decision making, cognitive dissonance... car salesmen probably read every psych paper written and apply it to sell you a car.

For example: The foot-in-the-door study where if you agree to something small you'll incrementally agree to something huge later - If you agree to put a tiny flyer on your lawn for a politician, within a month, you'll incrementally agree to bigger and bigger flyers, until you have a giganto billboard with his shiny grillz facing the street.

At 24 hour fitness I used this knowledge to diffuse the jedi sales tricks they tried to use on me.

the calculator trick "with this discount you'll save (punch in some numbers) $145.32"
- uh huh, to your overly bloated price to begin with.

the manager trick "well, I have to ask my manager"
- no you don't, you have the power right there

the making you feel special trick "I like you and I shouldn't do this but I have this expired coupon... "
- yeah whatever

I finally negotiated down to a $29 a month flat rate. (okay, okay, Dr. Joetta also told me to flat out just refuse to pay a fee except the monthly. Note: she studied psychology!) I also piggy backed on Richard's account to just get rid of the initiation fee all together. (thanks richard!)

But the good part is when the business is all taken care of we can just shoot the shit for real. I was making fun of rich people and celebrities in LA and he let me into the swankalicious executive locker room that I could never afford... and by the way, seeing a naked white rich man makes them all too human, without that facade of excess. You're just like the rest of us.

Dressing Blue Cheese

how come the blue cheese in dressing don't go bad?

Pizza Response

I had three slices of pizza left in the fridge. My roommates ate them. That was my dinner! Without it I have nothing to eat. Lesson #1 Don't even think you can keep pizza for later living with two other guys. Lesson #2 that'll teach me to order a large when I only needed a medium.

Negotiations of a Fat Man

I'm going in tomorrow to negotiate with Bally Total Fitness, 24 Hour Fitness, and Gold's Gym for my membership fee and monthly fee. Being fat and negotiating at a gym seems impossible. Statements like "Look, I'll stay with you guys for at least a year" or "Let me try it for a month and I'll probably stick around", sounds like utter lies coming from a fat man.

Hands On Your Hips

Jack La Lanne - the godfather of fitness!
Step 1) place hands on your hips
Step 2) show off your whitey grillz
Step 3) look awesome

I just learned about this guy, I've seen him before but it looks like he's got something to teach me.

What the Eggs!

I bought a brand new carton of eggs. One of them had translucent polkadots. This morning I went to go separate the egg whites but after cracking it open it, the egg white was murky. I thought I might've been sold some rotten eggs so I picked up the bowl and leaned over to smell it. THEN IT SQUAWKED AT ME!! WTF!!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs and threw it in the sink. I think it might've been gas build up in the egg, or air pockets, or it could've been a half baby bird all ready to hatch. It's now in the garbage disposal. I hope it doesn't crawl out. I'm done with eggs, or at least cooking them.

Palindrome

Manager at the grocery store to an employee:
"if you have time to gab, you've got time to bag!"

Efficiency of Healthy

The grocery store is way too big. Like Disneyland for food. For maximum efficiency of a time well spent, eating healthy saves you at LEAST twenty minutes of your life. I skipped half the grocery store today. junk food aisle, soda aisle, cake frosting aisle, condiment aisle, frozen food aisle, nope nope NOPE! it was straight to the veggie aisle, then to the breads, then to the dairy, boom boom BOOM! done done DONE! so quick.

I go to a relatively "rough" neighborhood grocery store and somehow asking the gruff vegetable shelver the location of the "alfa alfa sprouts" made me feel shi-shi posh-posh. It's such a pansy sounding vegetable."Over there", he points and walks toward a shelf. He looks at the shelf, smiles and says "Hey!! you got the last one! phew! there was only one left!" climbs up on the railing reaches for the container, checks behind the mushrooms "yup! the last one! you're lucky." hands me the alfa alfa sprouts and walks back to shelving yellow onions, still smiling. I felt like the luckiest guy ever, hey, I DID get the last alfalfa sprout!

The Oatmeal Reminder

Hectic life sets in and I forgot that I'm supposed to be eating healthy. But I've found that if I remember to do one thing in the morning, then I will remember throughout the whole day. My heroic oatmeal in the morning is a reminder for the day that eating healthy means I dont have to cut off my legs from diabetes.