Pizza Response

I had three slices of pizza left in the fridge. My roommates ate them. That was my dinner! Without it I have nothing to eat. Lesson #1 Don't even think you can keep pizza for later living with two other guys. Lesson #2 that'll teach me to order a large when I only needed a medium.

Negotiations of a Fat Man

I'm going in tomorrow to negotiate with Bally Total Fitness, 24 Hour Fitness, and Gold's Gym for my membership fee and monthly fee. Being fat and negotiating at a gym seems impossible. Statements like "Look, I'll stay with you guys for at least a year" or "Let me try it for a month and I'll probably stick around", sounds like utter lies coming from a fat man.

Hands On Your Hips

Jack La Lanne - the godfather of fitness!
Step 1) place hands on your hips
Step 2) show off your whitey grillz
Step 3) look awesome

I just learned about this guy, I've seen him before but it looks like he's got something to teach me.

What the Eggs!

I bought a brand new carton of eggs. One of them had translucent polkadots. This morning I went to go separate the egg whites but after cracking it open it, the egg white was murky. I thought I might've been sold some rotten eggs so I picked up the bowl and leaned over to smell it. THEN IT SQUAWKED AT ME!! WTF!!!! I screamed at the top of my lungs and threw it in the sink. I think it might've been gas build up in the egg, or air pockets, or it could've been a half baby bird all ready to hatch. It's now in the garbage disposal. I hope it doesn't crawl out. I'm done with eggs, or at least cooking them.

Palindrome

Manager at the grocery store to an employee:
"if you have time to gab, you've got time to bag!"

Efficiency of Healthy

The grocery store is way too big. Like Disneyland for food. For maximum efficiency of a time well spent, eating healthy saves you at LEAST twenty minutes of your life. I skipped half the grocery store today. junk food aisle, soda aisle, cake frosting aisle, condiment aisle, frozen food aisle, nope nope NOPE! it was straight to the veggie aisle, then to the breads, then to the dairy, boom boom BOOM! done done DONE! so quick.

I go to a relatively "rough" neighborhood grocery store and somehow asking the gruff vegetable shelver the location of the "alfa alfa sprouts" made me feel shi-shi posh-posh. It's such a pansy sounding vegetable."Over there", he points and walks toward a shelf. He looks at the shelf, smiles and says "Hey!! you got the last one! phew! there was only one left!" climbs up on the railing reaches for the container, checks behind the mushrooms "yup! the last one! you're lucky." hands me the alfa alfa sprouts and walks back to shelving yellow onions, still smiling. I felt like the luckiest guy ever, hey, I DID get the last alfalfa sprout!

The Oatmeal Reminder

Hectic life sets in and I forgot that I'm supposed to be eating healthy. But I've found that if I remember to do one thing in the morning, then I will remember throughout the whole day. My heroic oatmeal in the morning is a reminder for the day that eating healthy means I dont have to cut off my legs from diabetes.